TTC? Forget Your Timeline!
I never felt I had a timeline, you know the, “I’ll be married by 27, house and first kid by 29, and a second by 32” thing. But, when my feelings changed from, “I want to have kids” to “I’m ready to have a baby”, a timeline started to form.
I didn’t feel in a rush at first, but when my period didn’t show after 3 months post-pill, an anxious feeling started creeping in. When, after failing the progesterone challenge twice, I met with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and he laid out the types of tests we would do to determine what was up with my body, this timeline thing became stronger.
I would quickly calculate the soonest I could be pregnant after each step. If we do an IUI (intrauterine insemination) in September, I could have a baby by the summer. If this next round works, I’d be pregnant before I’m 32…
This arbitrary did timeline anything but good, and only made me feel behind. Every cycle I hung more and more weight on moving forward, and every time we had to try again I felt it was a wasted cycle.
Once we were successful and hit that golden second trimester, I got to tell my core group of girlfriends (3 of the 4 had babies in the last 1.5 years so I was excited to be the one to share this update) saying, “I may be late to the party, but we’re pregnant!” My friend, Renee, said that I wasn’t late at all, and that this was my time. That small comment meant a lot and put it in perspective that feeling late was all in my head.
Whether you’re struggling through infertility treatments, or it’s simply taking longer than you expected “the old fashioned way”, awaiting those two pink lines can fully envelop you. It can feel you live your life in two week chunks of waiting to try and waiting to see if it worked, left only to feel like you’re starting from scratch when it doesn’t.
I remember part of my huge mindset shift changed this mentality, and it happened just before our successful FET (frozen embryo transfer).
I hate the idea of waiting for what’s next while ignoring what’s going on around you, and with this timeline as my focus I was doing exactly that.
Instead, I really started to notice all the other things that I truly loved about my life, and remembered that people who had what I so deeply wanted – kids – may not have what I was ignoring; a supportive spouse, a home, no credit card debt, friends I could reach out to at anytime about anything, etc.
My goal became to avoid having this time of trying to get pregnant (and at that point I had no idea how long this period would last) be a black hole where I had no fun memories. I believed from the moment we decided we were ready for a baby, that it wasn’t to fill a hole or to “complete” us, but to be a bonus, an add on to our life.
Let’s be clear, it’s not as if I completely stopped caring if the next cycle was The One, of course I desperately hoped our pregnancy journey would start, but letting go of where I “should” be, or thinking, “ugh, it’s summer now, I thought I’d be showing by now”, relieved some pressure I put on myself.
If you wanted to be pregnant yesterday, it can easily become the focus of your life, but your life is still happening. Please don’t ignore all the other things you enjoy about what you have going on.
I started noticing when I was having fun. When I was genuinely laughing. When I was looking forward to something.
This is not your forever, no matter how much it feels like it.
To listen to me tell my full story, and a little more on this mindset shift, check out my interview on Beat Infertility here!
If you’re struggling in finding your patience while trying to conceive, talking to a coach who has been there can help, and I would love to work with you! Email me at Samantha@simplywellcoaching.com and let’s talk. In a quick and free 20 minute Discovery Call you can determine if Prenatal Health Coaching is right for you.