Why I Don’t Care About Losing My C-Section Scar

No matter how you deliver your baby, there is no easy way out. When my husband and I learned our baby boy was breech, and after many methods failed trying to turn him, I read all I could on c-section delivery. I texted at least 3 friends who’d had a c-section to learn all I could about what to expect with the surgery and recovery.

I delivered on a late Thursday afternoon, and came home early Sunday afternoon, and by that Thursday was feeling markedly better. Not back to normal, but good enough to walk at a non-grandma pace. I read the c-section care and “when to call the doctor” paper multiple times, making sure I was doing all I needed to do for a speedier recovery.

Along with that – like every step of this pregnancy – came Dr. Google. My main concern was healing properly and how to ease back into exercise, especially running. Inevitably, every time I started typing a question about c-sections, my search bar would auto-populate with some version of “when will my c-section scar go away”.

My immediate thought was that I didn’t care in the least about losing my scar. 

One reason, albeit vain, I’m not concerned with my scar is the incision is below my bikini line where basically no one will see it. The deeper reason is that this scar represents the biggest change in my life up until now.

I remember taking a shower at the hospital after my bandages were removed, and looking at the scar and my postpartum body for the first time in the mirror. I was filled with the acute feeling that this pregnancy and delivery was the most amazing thing I had ever done.

To me, that’s what this scar represents; that intense feeling of appreciation and awe that washed over me. I don’t want to erase that. Our bodies tell the story of our experiences. All of our features add up to represent who we are, what we’ve been, and are going, through.

This scar reminds me of my son’s birth story and I want to be reminded of that every time I see it. My physique has changed and will remind me that the priorities in my life right now are different than before we wanted to grow our family. I wrote this post some time ago how I no longer cared about fast race times or miles I was running each week, and that’s how I feel about my postpartum body.

I read an interview with Padma Lakshmi, of Top Chef fame, about a scar on her arm from car wreck, that these feelings around my scar reminded me of. For a while she wanted to erase the scar, but her feelings changed as she accepted it was part of her.

My body is a blueprint of my life, of every tragedy — emotional or physical. I love my scar. It is so much a part of me. I’m not sure I would remove it even if a doctor could wave a magic wand and delete it from my arm. The scar has singled me out and made me who I am.

Sure, there are things about our bodies we want to change from time to time. But I encourage you to think about your imperfections in a different way. What do they say about your life? What do they represent about your choices and circumstances?

 

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